Just Another Sunday Morning - Plucking Stray Chin Hairs & Feeling a Smidge Sorry For Myself...

Am I The Only One?

Does this resonate with anyone else? Spending the quiet, pre-dawn hours copying similar quotes (see left) into your gratitude devotional while burning a candle made by monks who have taken lifelong vows of silence and hunger...and who only craft said candles while in a deep meditative state...all whilst sipping your organic, non-GMO, vegan, cruelty-free mushroom coffee. Ummmm, yeah, me neither. I prefer to start my day with a spoonful of salted peanut butter (straight up), immediately followed by a piping hot cup of Earl Grey tea, to which I add Splenda and Coffee Mate French Vanilla creamer (if you know, you know). My version of a gratitude journal is stalking people on social media and reading Amazon reviews. Although, if I had to pick a journal, this one speaks to my soul - MWAHAHAHA!

Just sitting in the kitchen having a small pity party for myself. And feeling totally guilty and evil about it because, in the grand scheme of things, my life is really not so tragic. Things I am feeling bad about: a patch of thick chin hairs that I blame my Greek ancestors for; feeling like I am only good at sumo squats, braising meat, and getting stains out of laundry; being 41 and feeling like a total failure; feeling like a bad person for feeling upset about where I am in my life because I have nobody to blame but myself; yet still feeling upset and bitter about where I am in life; the fact that I sat next to my ex-husband's new wife at one of my kid's hockey games and she was rocking not just a Chloé handbag, but a seasonal Chloé handbag, while my purse of choice was a reusable Wegman's grocery bag filled with assorted fruits/snacks. I also started this on a Sunday, but it is now Friday morning and yet I am still sitting here plucking unsightly facial hair, stewing over how unfair the world is. And if by unfair you think I am annoyed because I want to bake raspberry thumbprint cookies instead of doing something for work, you would be right!

Maybe it's the whole dumbass "trying to have it all" goal, which, by the way, is totally unattainable....and self-inflicted by women! I know, I know, I can do whatever a man does and deserve equal pay and blah blah blah. But, ladies, why do I want that??? I'm NOT a man. I don't WANT the responsibility of being the primary/sole winner of the bread. For me, it's a bit of this cognitive dissonance because part of me feels like I SHOULD want to embrace feminism more than I do (which is not much)...but I just can't seem to get there. Deep down I have no desire to run a Fortune 500 company, figure out how to power cars with composted leaves (not sure why this seems like a manly endeavor, but it did to me in the moment), operate heavy machinery, drive a race car, or play football. I also have zero desire to stop shaving as a statement, what, for equality? Against male dominance and toxicity? Ummm, never. NEEEEVVERRRRRRRR. Go ahead, dominate me. Pay me less. There is nothing that anyone could do to make me LET GO like that. I am a huge fan of laser hair removal. HUGE. What does NOT shaving even do except repulse and repel? No man will want you and I'm sorry, but I would have a hard time being friends with someone who has hairy-man armpits. It's not just the ickiness in and of itself...it's more along the lines of, "I will have absolutely nothing in common with this person and I will hyper focus on the body hair situation." You know when you meet someone and you can KIND OF see their armpits but not really...and you think your eyes are playing tricks on you? Like, wait, was that a shadow??? Or a 5 o'clock shadow???? Or full blown pit hair?? Then I can't rest until I know. I digress. If I had my druthers, I would stay home, take care of the house/kids, cook, clean, organize, tone my body, learn how to play tennis, volunteer at the kids' schools, bake, and please my man. Yeah, I said it. But Ali Wong says it best.